Saturday, September 19, 2009

BAM Sandwich (Bacon, Avocado, Mayonnaise)

Many people are familiar with the "BLT Sandwich" -- an acceptable if mediocre bread-based culinary construct that mixes good stuff (Bacon) with acceptable (Tomato) and trivial (Lettuce).

But why settle for such a mediocre concoction? Shouldn't there be a sandwich that focuses on essentials and provides more (ful)filling eating experience? And complements a good drink of beer exquisitely?

1. Wham! BAM!

Yes. There should. And -- more importantly -- there is!

That is why I feel duty-bound to declare the invention of a new sandwich: Bacon-Avocado-Mayonnaise Sandwich, henceworth known as the "BAM Sandwich". It not only tastes awesomer-er than a can of Brawn-do, but also sounds kick-ass.
(... and it's got the elecrolytes your muscles crave!)

2. How?

Here's how you can construct a tasty instance of (Tatu's World-Famous) BAM Sandwich:

  1. Fry the bacon on a frying pan or skillet; move to side once crisp (can rest on a paper towel). NOTE: Do NOT throw away the melted tasty fat! (see step 3).
  2. Make the avocado spread; use ripe avocados, mix with bit of lemon juice, salt, pepper (white or black) or tabasco, and optionally some sour cream. Result is essentially something between mashed avocado and guacamole, depending on your preference.
  3. Fry 2 slices of toast (regular cheap-o sliced bread; or, for bonus points, olive-oil-rosemary or potato bread) using the bacon fat from step 1; preferably use the same frying pan or skillet as you used for frying bacon.
  4. Construct the sandwich:
    1. Start with one fried slice of bread
    2. Spread some Avocado spread on the slice
    3. Stack (as much) bacon (as you want) on top of avocado spread
    4. Spread some mayonnaise on the other slice
    5. Add the other slice on top of bacon, mayonnaise side facing bacon

Once properly constructed, enjoy with a good glass of your favorite beverage; like a frothy pint of Hefeweizen such as Blue Moon (lighter beers seem to go better with somewhat dense food like BAMwich!).

3. Random helpful preparation notes

Here are some additional notes on preparing a Good Solid BAM:

  • Bacon must absolutely be fried fully crisp. Floppy bacon does not a proper BAM sandwich make!
  • You can use as many bacon strips per sandwich as you want, but minimum is 3 strips for an adult male. For ladies, the legal minimum limit is 2. Small kids are not allowed to touch this tasty treat (ours do not even like it! Those ungrateful little...) -- in fact, a rule of thumb is that if you can't drink the accompanying beer, you are not to eat the sandwich.
  • If you absolutely must (by direct doctor's order, for example) reduce your saturated fat intake, you can be given exemption from having to fry the toast: regular toasting can be accepted as a low-fat alternative. But note: if you do this for anything but life-threatening medical reasons, you will totally lose your man-food street cred and run the risk of growing pair of bunny ears.

Feel free to share your additional tips, in form of comments, backtracks or emails (heck, even clicking on an ad you can see near this entry counts as a useful additional tip! Har har, I'll be here all week, thank you very many!)

4. Musings on Food Terminology and Coining of new Phrases

Due to high degree of compatibility between BAM and optimal male diet & taste, I think this soon-to-be classic sandwich can be called a manwich, if there is such a word. And if there is no such word yet, there will be.

5. Unhelpful side note

It has been brought to my attention that someone has previously tried to tie acronym "BAM" with sequence of words "Bacon, Arugula and Mango". Yuck. If there is any justice in the universe, person responsible for such disgrace is forced to eat his or her own dog food, in substantial quantities.
And with no Blue Moon to wash it down with.

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